Juggling:Life of A Single Black Woman

Dating...why is it always so Complicated

2011-04-23T07:57:00.000-07:00

Listen…I pride myself in being an intelligent person but where men are concerned I am retarded, disabled. I am superman and dick is my kryptonite. That’s why as of recently where certain friends are concerned I am open to blind dates because they have my best interest in heart and I have lost faith in my ability select a good man.

Now the last entry I wrote talked about how I was set up on a blind date. Gave my friend props for the set up but I wrote that things were.....eh ....beginning to fizzle out. Well I kind of take that back we are still talking and he seems like a genuinely sweet guy. Do I still have my reservations about certain things….Absolutely? How important they are to me is where I don’t know. I have reviewed a few things he actually does not get paid poorly. I get paid well (I am not rich) but I was comparing to me and my career. The debt piece will always be a concern but I think that goes hand in hand with having an MBA. He is underpaid based on his skill level but that is for him to decide and rectify.

But this guy is very relationship oriented as such so early in the game do I stick with him or continue to play the field. He talks about dating over the summer so he is definitely interested in the long haul. We are not exclusive so how honest am I supposed to be? He mentioned that he isn’t seeing anyone else? Am I morally obligated to say shit if I am going on another date? This guy is super sweet there is something different about him that I can't quiet place.

I would love for someone to explain to me the how the universe works and why is it so cruel. For months I haven’t been on a date hell it might have been a whole year. How is it that as soon as I find a potential, men with possibilities are coming from every possible direction.

I met with a good friend that wanted me to meet a colleague/friend who is a corporate lawyer, I met a man last week at a club of all places who is 6'6 a licensed plumber, owns his own place, no kids and he is 33 just like me. He is a definitely a man’s man. Just the way I like them. I will be going on a date with him today.

Corporate lawyer was nice but just not for me. The plumber knows that I am dating but bachelor number 1 still has no clue that I am dating other people. I have been delaying the inevitable. He is the sensitive type and I just don't want to screw things up. I want to figure out what is best for me but without anyone getting hurt. Is that even possible?

To further complicate things I was talking to bachelor one and because of his religious beliefs and his personality I asked him how many sexual partners did he have. Normally I avoid that question because with the people I am normally with I am just disgusted. I just protect myself at all costs. With him I knew it was a safe question to ask. But this is when I found out that I am dating a 30 year old virgin. Oh my God. I was like.... ha ha.... funny funny.....no seriously how many people have you been with. He then said ask our friend (his close friend since they were 8) I am serious. I must have said oh my God repetitively for 15 minutes.... easy. He said he ideally like to wait for marriage. Now that I know this... so much makes sense but he was in a relationship for 1 year and a half. WOW! Well I certainly can’t tell him this week that I am dating someone else. I am sure that he will equate that to me finding out that he is a virgin.

Somehow knowing that I sex is not an option with bachelor #1 makes me want sex with him all the more. I guess you always want what you can’t have. OOOhhhh if I start dating #1 exclusively it is on. I will let him know the plan from jump so he can jump ship if necessary.

I’ll write soon. Starting a new job. Renovations almost complete. I have a lot of pictures and info to share but this was a must share.

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Blind Date.

2011-02-20T17:18:00.000-08:00

It’s been weeks since I’ve been on the so called blind date. I was taking some time for me to figure out what my opinion was. He’s really cute, well read, smart, religious, educated and extremely honest. I mean really really honest that boy must get himself in trouble all the time. He’s got his degree at McGill a Masters degree in business Admin (from where? I don’t remember), he is bilingual and he lives at home, swimming in a mountain full of debt, holding a mediocre job and broke. What the f***? All of that info on one date and a few phone conversations. How the hell is someone supposed to process that? TMI....too much information too soon. Oh yeah I have a thing a serious thing with men with facial hair but not any facial hair but Gerald Levert thing. I think he’s got the hair texture to make that happen. I have already started making subliminal suggestions. (LOL...I am an idiot)

I knew that after the train wreck of relationships that I have been involved in that I am definitely looking for something different. He definitely is that and I appreciate that...I really do. It’s hard however to completely go against what you know. ....kind of nerdy based on conversation not appearance but I am okay with that I am always been interested in someone I can learn from....he’s weird at times cute at others. Definite not the smooth talking hustlers that I usually fall for but with all the differences for me comes unfamiliarity. I feel at times uneasy and unsure. I usually know exactly what I want and I don’t. I do know that I looked forward to our conversations, but the conversations are beginning to deplete already. Not sure of the reasons; it could be our 3 year age difference I felt as if we may be at different places which is reasonable and expected, it could be incompatibility or the fact that I told him about my heart condition. I don’t know. After each of our dates our friend would give me a call for dirt. She would be excited and tell me that great cause he like me so much. What changing I don’t know but if he is interested in letting me know he will.

So if you are asking if the blind date experience was a success I would say yes. Is it a love connection eh doubt it....but I do know that I would absolutely have my friend set me with someone else again? Thank you feisty Trini.

I know I am not perfect. I have a set of my issues as does everyone. Writing all this is, about me ...it’s my blog. As a first date after a string of heartaches it definitely worth it and not nearly as scary as I thought. Ladies and gents I am ready to get out there....I t

Looking Back at 2010 and Forward to 2011

2011-01-17T10:34:00.000-08:00

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2010 was a year of great significance and growth. I lost and gained friendships, reacquainted familial relationships, broke toxic emotional ties, moved, and gained people in my life who allow me to look at myself, appreciate myself and learn.

Through every negative experience I learned something from it and walked away a little wiser.

I am not sure what 2011 will bring but I am excited and hopeful.

I am looking forward to quitting my part-time, starting school part-time and getting back into dating in 2011. Since the toxic ties have been broken I feel ready to move forward. I have a blind date lined up in the next 3 weeks I will definitely write it and let you guys know how that turn out. I am crazy nervous and excited all at the same time.

I am also considering exploring alternative dating options. My three single girlfriends have all tried online and speed dating. I’ll wait and see if I can convince them to hold my hand through the process and write which ones they like best and their experience in a whole.

In order to help make 2011 a success I have made resolutions and I am trying new tips in hopes of keeping them.

Have you made your Resolutions for 2011? Do you usually keep your resolutions when you make them?

Every year I make a plan but attempt to keep them in a half assed kind of way. This year I will be creating a plan to help me make my resolutions come true. Give it a try!

Create a Plan...for example instead of saying I want to be healthier. State how you would achieve that goal. Create healthy meal plans; organize a walking group at work so you and coworkers can take 30 walks at work. Write it down. For some reason writing things down make things more realistic and achievable.

Set Timelines...You don't know if you’re not on track if you don't set dates

Print it and Post it....If you don’t see it you might forget it. Give yourself friendly reminders to keep you on track

My Resolutions for 2011.

Go back to school (part-time). I have decided to get my professional certification in Public Sector Management. Printed out Study plan checklist so I know what requirements I need to get this certification. Set a time line of September 2011 to enrol.

Quit Part-time- The whole reason of renting out my house and moving in basement was to quit my part-time why am I still holding down two jobs 6 months later. Will use funds to get some home renovations underway

Deadline summer 2011

Be Healthier... I am eating healthier through portion control. Trying to find Work Life Balance. Promising myself a vacation in 2011. (No time line set based on my friends, my wallet and work flexibility)

It’s a little late but I wish you all the best for 2011 and I thank you for following me. Mwaaah

Seasonal Party

2010-12-17T19:39:00.000-08:00

For as long as I can remember my company has an Annual Seasonal Celebration aka Christmas Party. We have a committee which I am a part of that that organizes a variety of corporate events i.e. Company picnic party, Corporate Award and the Years of Service Breakfast. This year I was told that as one of the senior committee members I would be required to be a lead of one of the events. I chose the Seasonal Celebration.

Like a lot of large organizations there is a lot of politics that convulude your desires. To make a long story short as a committee we would decide to go ahead with one thing but in the end an executive may come ahead and decide something else and we would have to bend to their whim. The reality is they hold the purse strings. So you do what need to be done in hopes of achieving your overall desired goal. Although I was considered the lead for this event I often felt left out of decision making and often omitted from the process. The organization that I work for has well over 1500 employees that are scattered all over the Toronto area. Some staff members have emails; Blackberry’s others not so much. I am in the not so much category. While I have landline and email I don’t have a Blackberry and I don't work at the Head Office which put me in a disposition. People would often walk over to a committee member on site and there I would be left in the dust. It frustrated me.

I attempted to make a variety of changes with the menu choices where it was possible. For example our main course had to be chicken because who doesn't love chicken. For a group of 700 employees and guest it the safest bet but if it was up to me I would have tried to make a slight variation from last year’s menu but when dealing with a Caucasian group adventure and change was not always receptive. But the decisions were to be made by the committee despite my personal opinion. This makes sense we are a committee.

Despite politics, stress and timelines. I can honestly say I feel that this year’s Seasonal Celebration was the best so far. For the most part we worked well together and achieved our goal of recognizing our employees. The venue was elegant. It was held at Spirales Banquet Hall.

The Anti Pasto bar, the Dessert is delicious. The main course hmmm could have been better for me but people seemed to love it. The DJ was amazing. I would recommend him for any corporate event. He was able to get people on the dance floor, cater to the various tastes of our guests despite the different age groups, cultural backgrounds etc.

I had a great time and saw a boy that I thought was kinda cute. Being the social awkward anti-dating me I did nothing. He called me purty and offered me some champagne. We work for the same company but with such a large company and no name I have no clue Who he is or where he works. Recently saw pictures of the event and there he was I put two of my cowokers to find his name and where he worked.

I didn't flirt or bat my eyes or anything. I' m such a chicken. I not an advocate for dating in the workplace, the drama, rumours and I feel that it is often the females that get the bad rap. I also made a promise to myself to stop dating cute. I think he's cute. I haven't had that much luck in that department but with my more important promise to myself of being positive and hoping that it will bring positivity back to me. I would also like to enjoy life more.

After writing this I will not find out his name (Stalker alert) but if the opportunity presents itself. I will man up or should I say woman up) Which for me would be to introduce and spark a casual conversation. WHAT? Did you expect me to change overnight. I forgot how fun it is to have a crush. Oh yeah there is also an Italian Stalion that I think is cute as well but I know who he is ( I don't work with him....this is for my co-workers who may read my blog) :)

Toronto's Food and Wine Expo

2010-12-05T16:40:00.000-08:00

http://www.foodandwineexpo.ca/sitepages/?cid=348&cn=PHOTO%20GALLERY&an=Photo%20Gallery

This year I attended Toronto Food and Wine Expo I have never been before. I was invited by one of my co-workers. I give it two thumbs up. Its is often described as Toronto's Best Cocktail Party. There are a multitude of booths covering over 600,000 square feet of space. Various vendors have sample items for sale such as food and liquor ranging from $1 and upwards. Yes I said it liquor for $1. This event allows you the opportunity to try various wines, food and liquors from all over the world at one venue.

For those of you who haven't been it is important for you to know that you are required to pay and entrance fee to get in and that you will need to buy tickets at a minimum of $20 tickets which will allow you to sample the items of your choice. This event was populated by mostly 20-30 years old. As the night progressed the event began to look like upscale bar.

By the end of the night there were white women dancing on tables to the beat of Domincan music. The food at the Dominican booth was not to my taste however the men at the booth were. They were yummy. Brought me back to memories to my trip to the Dominican. (sorry I got side tracked)

If you have not been I would suggest you give it a try.

Life Blessing

2010-10-26T16:52:00.000-07:00

Working in social services is often a frustrated and seemingly thankless job, but there are times of great personal rewards. Today I had a client who was so thankful to Canada and all it had to offer. She explained to me how she prefers to work hard and to live off her own strength. She lost her job shortly after receiving housing and was forced to go on social assistance in order to survive.

She left me a message elated that she found a job. She came in today to bring in forms and her first two pay stubs so that I may re-calculate her rent. I asked her to start to fill out her forms while I run upstairs. She told me that she never went to school and that she doesn't know how to read. She told me how her father never sent her to school as a child. Its was then I realize the benefits that I have by being born in this country to the family that I have and how on a daily basis I unknowingly take the simplest things for granted.

I filled out the forms to her and she continued to express her thanks. I asked her to sign three sections on the form. She explained to me that before entering Canada she didn't even know how to sign her name. Can you imagine how difficult it would be to survive without the ability to read? She mentioned that it was not until after her arrival in Canada that someone taught her how to sign her name. (How amazing and sad at the same time)

She told me how afraid she is to speak in public due to her ignorance. It’s amazing how human beings are so adaptable despite her lack of education and her insecurities she spoke quiet intelligently. I told her that she has no reason to feel ashamed and suggested that if desire she could always go to school part-time.

In many countries around the world the biggest crime that people commit is being female. By being born of that sex often means that you will be deprived of education.

Today is a day that reminds me of my blessings and reminds me why I do what I do.

Dont forget to view Travoyintheflesh.com Performer extraordinaire

Heart Problems???

2010-10-06T19:30:00.000-07:00

My mother has a heart problem that caused her to come close to losing her life 32 years ago. For those of you who remember my age. I am 32 years old. In her 20’s she would black out; doctors were never able to determine the cause they thought she maybe epileptic. Because they were not sure if she was epileptic she refused to take the medication until they were sure of her diagnoses. Shortly after giving birth to me she went in Cardiac arrest it was then they figured out her condition. Every year since then she is required to see her cardiologist and every year or two I would see him as well because they suspect her condition is hereditary.

For the most part there has been no sign of me inheriting her condition until 2 years ago. Now part of my assessment involves wearing a heart holster which records my heart for two days, a stress test. A stress test involves being on a treadmill every three minutes the tread mill increases speed and incline. Now over the last two years my heart has been beating extra beats.

My cardiologist was not particularly concerned but this year he is noticed that it is happening more often and more aggressively. It appears that it is brought on during physical activity. I feel fine and notice no difference. I suspect that might be why he is so concerned. He has told me that I can still workout but I must take it easy... no cardio. What the hell is that? I am 32 years old I cannot imagine not being able to be restricted in my activities. I want to boxing classes but he said that he is worried that I may go in cardiac arrest if I push myself too hard. I will have a appointment with a doctor who will screen me for hereditary defects. It could take upto 6 to 8 months to get an appointment.

I’m a little worried but I will focus on Yoga pick up Pilates and see what life has in store for me.

I’ll keep you posted when I get the results.

Wedding

2010-09-27T20:27:00.000-07:00

Over a month ago I was invited to go to a wedding. I was not to sure whether this was a real date or was I just going with my friend. We have known each other for 16 years. Many moons ago there was some interest in each other but timing was never right. As we got older while we enjoyed each others company from time to time we sank comfortably in the friend zone.

So this weekend was the wedding date. I was trying my best to get many things organized to ensure that my day would go as seamless as possible. I was supposed to be at the church on Saturday by 1:00pm head the reception by 6:00pm. I was spending the night in the motel and then going to the work from 11am to 9:30pm on Sunday. I did my best to get everything done on Friday after work. I went grocery shopping and stopped by Winners (a discount clothing store similar to TJ Maxx in the states) to buy China Glaze nail polish for $5.99 in the funky colours of purple (flying dragon, neon), hot pink(shocking pink, neon), bright yellow (solar power) and orange (orange knockout, neon). Hey they are usually $9.99 Canadian each. I’m always on the hunt for a good deal

Anyways I reached home at 9:00 o’clock unpacked my groceries and tried to cook for the week. (Yeah that didn’t quiet work). I also tried to finish my laundry and clean my house all before I went to bed at 1:00pm (yeah that didn’t work either). All I ended up doing was starting a bit of everything, finishing nothing and leaving my house in an entire mess.

I had good intensions but ended up reaching the church 45 minutes late don’t worry my friend was on time and they are his friends. I was running 15 minutes late but the QEW one of Toronto major highways were down so the 40 minute drive turned into 1:20 minutes. (Madness)

In retrospect I was happy that I was late because much of the wedding was in Polish so I didn’t understand much of what was going on. I must say the bride made an excellent choice in the bride maids dresses. The cut was flattering to everyone who wore them despite the fact that all the females had various body shapes and sizes yet everyone looked equally beautiful.

The reception was a nice I am sure the unlimited flow of liquor has factored into my rating. However, the only played techno and polish music some variety would have been nice but hey it was not my day. Wedding for me is the true symbolism of love. It is so nice to see older couples slow dancing and holding hands and young love. There was this cute South Asian looking couple that would not stop slow dancing even with the crazy beats of techno playing in the background.... oh first love.

Towards the end of the night my friend comes to me in a drunken state telling me that saying that all his friends have been telling him that he needs to make me his girlfriend. He says that he came to the conclusion 10 to 15 years of that black woman would never accept him for who he is. How are we supposed to build a relationship if we don’t like the same music? If you could accept me we would be together. . Wow! Someone had one too many(lol). I told him that we could talk about this tomorrow when he was sober. He said no your not open to this music you expected to hear Soca and Reggae. (at a Polish wedding ) He rambled and we went back to the motel. Within minutes he passed out and was snoring like a bear in hibernation. His co-worker that we were sharing a room with already there and getting ready for bed. I was in the bathroom getting ready for bed when there was a knock on the door. I open the door to find my friends co-worker. He asks if I was okay. I said yes. He asks “what was I doing in there”. I said “peeing, washing my face, brushing my teeth” He stood there for few moments before I asked him if I could finish....Weird.

What a night

Saw my friend the next day. I asked him if he remembered our conversation. He said yes and he admitted that the music was not the greatest

16 years and one outburst. That nothing we are still cool!

Dont forget to visit my friend Travoyintheflesh.com or facebook

Caribana in Toronto

2010-08-08T19:39:00.001-07:00

Friday Night

Now this is one of Toronto greatest events and usually for me it is a great disappointment. Prices are hiked. Clubs that would normally be $10 is now $40. Everyone who anyone comes out for a good time. For me that usually equates to crowds and meat market. Yet this year I felt different.I don’t know why. I decided to go out, get dolled up and have a good time. I took Thursday to do an overhall which was long overdue. I got eyelash extensions, a Mani pedi and waxed. It was a well deserved treat.

Over the summer months I would promise myself every weekend that I would get a pedicure. Yet everytime something more important would come up. I would end up soaking and scrubbing my foot in a bucket. Yeah you heard RIGHT I said a bucket (lol). Laugh if you must but no one will tell you that they saw me walking the street with my foot looking tough.

Treat yourself within the limits. Make sure your rent and bills are paid. There is no point to look fly and be homeless.

So Friday night I went to Ian Espinate’s party that was $15 in advance. It was held at a club called Courthouse. It was off the chain. I haven’t had such a good time in a long time. I’m usually that screw face chick in the club that hold acorner. That night you could not stop me from moving. I was dancing and singing into my make shift microphone. They played some serious R &B new and old skool. There was reggae and a little bit of Soca.

When you look at my pics I dont think you have seen me look happier. I think it my favorite pic to date.

I was soo disappointed when 3 o’clock arrived and it was time to go home. Best believe that I will be attending the next Ian Espinet Soul Kitchen Jam.

Caribana Parade

Last year I played mass with the promise that it would be my first and last year. I wanted to have the experience of getting dressed in the beautiful elaborate costume but I believe in age appropriateness. So I think at 32 years old I am a little too grown to be dancing the treats of Toronto in a bra and panty. I know there are woman of all ages and sizes dancing up a storm that is them and I am me. I set the rules on how I live my life. Anyways, I thought the next best thing would be to take part in my companies float and participate mass with them. Trust me the experience is not the same and I will not be doing that again. I won’t go into the details why because I am trying to be more positive so I will focus on that. It is a nice idea to have tenant and staff hanging out together and having the community come together to work on a common project. I think they need a little more experience on planning,

Once we finished our participation of the parade I hung out with coworkers/friends and listened to music and people watched. Caribana brings people of ALL walks of life out and about trust me when I say a few of them should remain behind doors because they are not fit for public viewing but I guess that part of the fun.

Saturday night I was sleeping something serious I only had 1 hour sleep the night before and I had work bright and early Sunday morning.

Sunday after work. (Still holding down two jobs) I attended my friends family bar-be-que after work. I had a great time I left there around 11pm to get ready for part 2 of Ian Espinets party. I reached their house around 12:30am. They weren’t ready yet hell some of them weren’t even dressed. An hour later they still weren’t ready. We left there after 1:30am and reached the club after 2:15am, In Toronto last call for drinks is 2:00AM and clubs close at 3:00am. I was vex. I threw $25 down the drain and missed out on a great party. I was looking forward to Sunday night the deejay line up was supposed to be through the roof. Yet I missed all because people can’t get ready on time. (sigh***) What’s a girl to do?

All in all it was a good weekend

Dating and Settling

2010-07-25T20:52:00.000-07:00

Dating and Settling?

As time passes the people around me are getting more concerned about my single status. I have become the project of a few. This lady at my workplace who is really sweet decided that she would do her best to set me up with someone. I decided that I would entertain the idea because hell you never know and I have been trying the same routine for years so why not try something new.

She tried to set me up with her niece’s friend at her family barbeque. This way there would be group of people and an opportunity to do an initial meeting without great pressure. He was good on paper. University graduate, works in the community, an up in comer in the insurance field and a home owner. But through our conversation there was one not much of a connection, attraction for me was nonexistent and his general character as a person was a question for me so I decided to not pursue the set up any further.

I thanked her for the effort because I really had a great time which for me is not a common occurrence. I have a fear of being in groups of large people that I don’t know. She however was devastated by my decision and stated that if I can't be with someone I love be with someone who will love me. She also told me that he makes a lot of money and my life could be so much easier for me if I had someone who could support me. For me that proposal is equivalent to prostitution. To be in a relationship with someone for money morally for me is WRONG and I can never sleep with someone who I am not attracted to. THATS JUST NASTY.

She told me that I was destined to be a spinster which leaves me to my title DATING and settling. She swore that he was going to be the one for me. Clearly she is very dramatic but everyone is entitled to the idiosyncrasies. I also think that her fear of my permanent single status stems from her own unhappiness. She is in her 60’s and has never been married and has no children and has admitted to her regrets.

More in more the people that I see in relationships seem to settle. Now don’t get me wrong I realize that no one is perfect and all relationships have its faults. However, I think that relationships involve finding someone with faults that you can live with and a person that you love, with someone who loves you completely and does their best to support you. But where does the line between accepting flaws and settling separate? I know those women are settling for men who are not up to their lowest of standards because they are there. There is a fear of being alone and unfortunately having standards often mean you it may take you some time to find the right one for you. Let’s face it; it is a easier to find people with no quality and little depth; than it is to find a good person with class, morals and character. I believe there is a saying... nothing good comes easy and their right.

As per the words of CECELIA CAMPBELL-LIVINGSTON a journalist of Street Hype Newspaper

"Don't give yourself to everybody that comes your way because of lack of self-esteem and lack of good opportunities in front of you..... I encourage women to finally take a stand for themselves and truly decide what is best for them — even without a man by their side if it comes to that. Make your own money, don't say yes to every man that wants to be with you and never, ever lower your standards to suit anyone."

Set standards and stick to them. If you never do, why get angry when people treat you less than you deserve when YOU never set the bar.

Im Back

2010-07-01T09:57:00.000-07:00

I’m back! Life Update

It’s been a long time since I have written. It’s not that I no longer enjoy writing it’s just that so much has gone on with my life over the last few months. My dog dying, renting my house, downsizing from a 3 bedroom house to a 1 junior basement apartment and my car breakdown.

I am sure over my blogs I have mentioned my dog Taz. I was forced to put him down in March one day after my birthday. Needless to say my 32nd birthday could have definitely been better. The act of putting down your pet is an emotionally antagonizing experience. The decision to put my dog down was emotionally and morally draining. I wasn’t sure if I making the decision for the right reasons. Was I making the decision for financial gain or to ease his suffering or mine? His health issues despite my pet insurance coverage were financially difficult. Within two month I had paid over $1200 in medical bills lucky for me the insurance cover 80% after the 500 deductible. He suffered with multiple health issues; seizures, chronic fluid in the lungs, an enlarged heart and we suspect cancer. He had a growth that was forming by one of his legs but we were not able to test the growth due to his age the doctor did not feel that he would not have survived the anaesthetic based on his health condition and his age he was 13 years old. So we managed his comfort and joy through medication. Things got really bad towards the end so I made the decision to put him down. Once all was said and done tears were shed but I realized that without doubt the right decision was made.I’m back! Life Update

It’s been a long time since I have written. It’s not that I no longer enjoy writing it’s just that so much has gone on with my life over the last few months. My dog dying, renting my house, downsizing from a 3 bedroom house to a 1 junior basement apartment and my car breakdown.

I am sure over my blogs I have mentioned my dog Taz. I was forced to put him down in March one day after my birthday. Needless to say my 32nd birthday could have definitely been better. The act of putting down your pet is an emotionally antagonizing experience. The decision to put my dog down was emotionally and morally draining. I wasn’t sure if I making the decision for the right reasons. Was I making the decision for financial gain or to ease his suffering or mine? His health issues despite my pet insurance coverage were financially difficult. Within two month I had paid over $1200 in medical bills lucky for me the insurance cover 80% after the 500 deductible. He suffered with multiple health issues; seizures, chronic fluid in the lungs, an enlarged heart and we suspect cancer. He had a growth that was forming by one of his legs but we were not able to test the growth due to his age the doctor did not feel that he would not have survived the anaesthetic based on his health condition and his age he was 13 years old. So we managed his comfort and joy through medication. Things got really bad towards the end so I made the decision to put him down. Once all was said and done tears were shed but I realized that without doubt the right decision was made.

House Rental

I mentioned the over a few blog entries that I was renovating the place in hopes of renting it out. It has been rented. It has been a few weeks and already I am having dreams of going on vacation, weekend road trips and working one job and having weekends off. Essentially.... enjoying life without the worry of the financial restraints. I have attached some photos of my basement unit post renovation. It is small but it is an ideal place for one person. Enough to fit everything I need and yet not large enough to have any additional clutter. I have posted some pictures so that you may see some before and after pictures. With the purchase of my sofa came two throw pillows. I love the purple so much I am thinking of creating a purple accent wall, however I hate for things to look to feminine. I will do some investigating and I will surely let show an update if I decide to go ahead with it.

Life Throws another Curve Ball

My car is and soon to be was a 2004 Nissan Maxima and for over a year I have been aware of ongoing and transmission issues which means $$$$. I have been dragging it out for the longest time. While driving to a work related training session last week Thursday my car would not hit 100 km/hr on the highway. My transmission has given all it can. I was complaining to my friends that as soon as things look a little bit better financially something goes wrong. In retrospect maybe it’s a blessing in disguise. If this was to happen a few months earlier I would not have been financially equipped to deal with the additional financial strain. Not that I am in the money but now that I have tenants the financial blow won’t hurt as much. So I am looking for a new used car. So I am eyeing the Mazda 3, Toyota Camry, Infinity G35 2003 and I will surely add more to follow. All these cars have rated high based on the used car reliability rating except Mazda. Hoping to find something affordable, reliable and kinda sexy. Wish me luck.

House Rental

I mentioned the over a few blog entries that I was renovating the place in hopes of renting it out. It has been rented. It has been a few weeks and already I am having dreams of going on vacation, weekend road trips and working one job and having weekends off. Essentially.... enjoying life without the worry of the financial restraints. I have attached some photos of my basement unit post renovation. It is small but it is an ideal place for one person. Enough to fit everything I need and yet not large enough to have any additional clutter. I have posted some pictures so that you may see some before and after pictures. With the purchase of my sofa came two throw pillows. I love the purple so much I am thinking of creating a purple accent wall, however I hate for things to look to feminine. I will do some investigating and I will surely let show an update if I decide to go ahead with it.

Life Throws another Curve Ball

My car is and soon to be was a 2004 Nissan Maxima and for over a year I have been aware of ongoing and transmission issues which means $$$$. I have been dragging it out for the longest time. While driving to a work related training session last week Thursday my car would not hit 100 km/hr on the highway. My transmission has given all it can. I was complaining to my friends that as soon as things look a little bit better financially something goes wrong. In retrospect maybe it’s a blessing in disguise. If this was to happen a few months earlier I would not have been financially equipped to deal with the additional financial strain. Not that I am in the money but now that I have tenants the financial blow won’t hurt as much. So I am looking for a new used car. So I am eyeing the Mazda 3, Toyota Camry, Infinity G35 2003 and I will surely add more to follow. All these cars have rated high based on the used car reliability rating except Mazda. Hoping to find something affordable, reliable and kinda sexy. Wish me luck.

Is 30’s the New 20's?

2010-03-02T20:46:00.000-08:00

Now I don’t know who came up with the saying that 30’s is the new 20’s but I for one am calling that person a damn liar. I am 32 years old in a few weeks and I can assure you that things are happening to my body that didn’t happen to me in my 20’s.

For the last 3 years I have been losing my continuous battle against cellulite. Now cellulite is a sneaky bastard, its sneaks upon you quietly, viciously, and it will hold your body prisoner. First it attacked my thighs now my ever so glorious ass. The battle has now become....PERSONAL. GRRRRR

In my 20’s I was a fairly active person I went to the gym probably twice a week and was able to maintained chiselled abs, lean sculpted thighs and my ass . In my 30’s I have increased my workouts to 4-5 times a week yet I still can’t maintain the body I had in my 20’s. I understand that this battle may be a losing one but some things are worth fighting for.

Keep in mind being in your 30’s is not all bad. While your body may be declining your sense of self increases 10 fold. You come into yourself as a person. You get a better understanding of who you are and what you want and chances are you lived long enough to map out the path to get you there. There is a good chance that you’ve gained your sense of style which is great because you will know how to dress yourself to accentuate your assets and camouflage you flaws. Besides when you’re in your 30s your less likely to be wearing your short shorts, cut tops; so no one should be seeing your cellulite anyways (Which reminds me I really should stop wearing my short dresses....Maybe when I am 35).

Correction someone may see your cellulite from time to time but let’s be honest if they are seeing you naked I am sure you will find ways to keep them distracted.

30’s is not the new 20’s but when you have reached your 30’s there is a good chance that you won’t want to go back.

Ignorance wins Again

2010-02-07T20:29:00.000-08:00

I was taking the Go Train this week when a grown ass woman in error got on the wrong train. Upon the advise of others (group of at least 5) she pushed the emergency stop tab. Causing the entire train containing 10 carts and upto 1500 passengers to come to a complete stop.

Imagine..... one person delays 1500 passengers to ease her misfortune of getting on the wrong train.

Needless to say the Transit personnel was furious. He advise her that she could be fined for the misuse of the of the emergency tab.

He was a better person than I because he allowed her off the train without penalty

Conversation ensued afterwards amongst the Einstein group of 5. Two people stated "if that's not an emergency I don't know what is"
One women's defined emergency as anything that happens that should not have.

Are you kidding me?

I guess if you wanted to be an optimist you could determine that a person must be truly blessed if an emergency is getting on the wrong train.

Ignorance vs Intelligence
IGNORANCE WINS AGAIN.

Comfortably Single My Greatest Downfall

2010-01-26T20:24:00.000-08:00

I’ve always believed that it is in a girl’s best interest to be comfortable with herself, to developed independence, self-reliance and relationships outside of a romantic nature. I believed that if you developed yourself as a person you can offer more in a relationship and intern expect more from your partner.

Problem is I’ve mastered all of the above to the point of Blissful Comfort. So much so that I am embarrassed to say how long it has been since I have been in a serious relationship. Having 2 jobs and being a homeowner is an excuse I have been using for not putting my social life as a priority.

I understand that for most people dating does not take that much effort. The problem is I HATE meeting new people. HATE IT. Not just men but anyone. The prospect of getting to know someone new is undesirable for me. Sitting across a table to share the few restful hours I have with someone who is void of personality, egotistical, boring is something that I have no interest in doing.

In addition to this I often meet men who are unemployed, multiple children, living at home, no licence and yes on probation meaning that they are not allowed to leave the country.

I did not realize the seriousness of my dating situation until I found out that the BIG girl at work has a man and I don’t. Being overweight is one thing she is another. Her arms kinda float aimlessly unable to touch the sides of her body. DAMN. Now that reality slapped me hard in the face.

So for 2010 I am going to make an effort to meet more people and actively get out and start dating. So much so I should be going on a date with someone my MOTHER has set me up with. You would realize the possible disaster if you know the stories about my mother but you will in time.

Looking forward to writing something soon and hearing your feedback.

Hot Mess

2009-12-30T07:21:00.000-08:00

Unfortunately 2 weeks ago Friday was not a reflection of my intelligence. I did not know my limit and did not know when to say stop. I am 31 years old and for the first time I got wasted to the point of no return. Essentially I transformed from a sophisticated professional to a HOT MESS. I have little recognition of the night. I do remember the pleasant experience of throwing up in the parking lot and being assisted home.

Can you imagine me and my amazon self (5 ft "11) swaying to the beat of a drum that no one else can hear?

I have little recognition of speaking to a guy I used to date. I pretty sure that I said something nasty but I know that I did not cause a scene, because my girls would have told me. I am not worried about what I said because alcohol doesn’t make you say anything that you are already not feeling.

I had grand plans of writing a blog entry on a Girl’s Night Out. I planned to take pictures of us, the party and get our experiences of being hit on by men, the club scene etc.

Yet I have little memory of the night but a strong feeling of embarrassment. I must thank my lovely friends for holding things down since I had a short leave of my senses.

This event was a Wayne Warner All Black Affair event its was supposed to be a class act and me not acting the part. I was worried sick by different what if scenario's. Is it possible that my co-worker and/or classmates saw me acting the fool?
I spent the whole day on Saturday in agony and worry. Unable to hold anything down feeling weak, sweaty, cold and hot.

This Saturday I found pictures on my camera that I dont remember taking. According to my friends this was on our way out. Since I was able to stand up straight to take these photos I feel confident that I didn't make a complete ass of myself. I breath a *(sigh)* of relief and realize that a disaster was averted and trust me a lesson was definitely learned.

Letting A Good Friend Down

2009-12-19T19:35:00.000-08:00

As exhaustion takes over and responsibilities continue to pile on. My abilities to keep juggling the balls of life become more and more difficult. I have a friend who through university we were relatively inseparable. Each holiday and birthday we would be side by side. Often because my mother was away spending her vacations with my grandmother who had Alzheimer’s as a result I was left alone for much of the holiday season. Her family took me in and it was with them that I spent my Christmases, Thanksgiving and Birthdays. I have been making a half assed effort to keep in contact with her and keep our friendship a float. I say half assed because I am not much of a phone person. Plus over the last few years our life has changed tremendously. I am a homeowner two jobs etc. She is a Working mom, main breadwinner that works a 50 hour work week. With our busy lives it becomes more and more difficult to keep in contact. Despite this we always find the time to say Happy Birthday… until now. I forgot her birthday. This is something that I never do especially to those close to me. I will be doing my best to make it up to her., but it ways on me heavy on how much it must have hurt her for her special day to arrive and for me not to be there to wish her well.

Overtired and .....

2009-12-06T08:01:00.000-08:00

Over the last couple of weeks the action of working two jobs (over the last year and a half) is beginning to take its toll. I am absolutely exhausted. I a person who rarely drank coffee am trying to find a way to have an IV drip to supply me with the constant supply of caffeine that I need to carry out my day.

I have been sleeping anywhere the bus, the subway. I have had the pleasure of having strangers wake me up at the end of the subway line to tell me that I have reached. At first I was extremely embarrassed. Now....Not so much...I just say thank you and move on my way. As long as I have not been caught drooling...which I have on more than one occasion. I’m good

Over the last three months I have been calling in sick at least once a month because I am unable to peel myself out of bed. This is completely out of character for me. Well, that’s not true. I have always had a hard time getting to work on time but it is out of character for me not to go to work. I thank God that my workplace is flexible because I am sure by now I would have been dragged into someone’s office for the talk by now.

However, as my renovations are facing completion the act of selling the majority of my belongings to move downstairs is beginning to scare me. Logically speaking I know it is the best thing for me....I get that I really do, but the anxiety that I am experiencing maybe be bigger than my decision to purchase my house and move out for the 1st time.

The fear of depending on someone else to cover my expenses is a difficult thing for me. But I know its for the best. I am willing to give it a try in order to experience financial freedom.

Once the renovations have been completed and my new home has been furnished I will provide you with some before and after pictures.

Single is my disease and Everyone Has the Cure

2009-11-21T22:55:00.000-08:00

I have realized that being single in your 30’s is deemed as a disease to most. As soon as you meet people you haven’t seen in a while, a family function damn it happens in my doctor’s office. Are you married yet? This tends to frustrate me because if you look at my left hand next to my pinkie you clearly see the obvious answer to the question.

The looks of pity and often looks of confusion are soon to follow.

The fact that I have a decent job, own a home and have a degree doesn’t ever really seem to matter. To be female and over 30 your life accomplishment is rated on whether you can get a keep a man. To the world F is my grade.

It is that point where everyone has decided that I am afflicted with the single disease and they have my cure.

• I have been told to snatch up the one lone bachelor in my workplace despite the 10 year age difference (my junior).

• I have been told to not wait until my late 30’s that my eggs are not renewed every month that they are reaching the date of expiry. I must act quick… go on Bay street (Canada’s Wall street) and snatch up a man.... any man that makes over $100,000 a year and get pregnant. Child support payments will lead to financial security. (Prostitution 101 has always been my personal fav).

• I have also been giving the advice that the time is ticking men don’t want woman in their 30’s if it’s going to happen the time is now.

Anger and frustration is often my reaction of course all of this is expressed internally. To express my true feeling would only verify to the world the reason I am single.

However, I find it funny how it does not matter who your man is or what he does….. just as long as you have one. It does not matter if the relationship is doomed for failure or it will lead to romantic bliss. We all know its better to be a divorcee that being forever single.

I look at most relationships that are around me and while it works for them it would definitely not work for me. While I wish to eventually find my cure I will do it on my own terms.

Or……. if I ever get really desperate Ill get me a mail ordered husband…hell my clients do it all the time. LOL

Blogging....Is it for me?

2009-11-14T07:31:00.000-08:00

I don’t know what I expected when I started blogging. But I viewed it as a way for me to put my thoughts out there, for my voice to be heard and here I am over a month later feeling powerless. I am not going to pretend that I had grand ideas that I would have readers of coming out of my ass, but I thought that I would get comments letting me know that what write about matters. That the topics that are close to me matters and this could be a forum to discuss it. I believed that in time that FOLLOWERS would come. Now this disillusionment came from my co-workers who through months of encouragement suggested that I write a blog. Fiction became reality when I asked my co-worker Mwenu since he text me with positive feedback to forward my post to his friends since he thought it was sooo great. His response.....my friends wouldn't find what you write about interesting.....No offence.

Wow...put things in perspective doesn't it? I believe that move was Karma coming back to slap me in the face for some ish that I had no business doing or saying in the past. I did not realize how much writing about my thoughts; my experiences would leave me feeling exposed. This is not a 10 page university assignment based on an assigned topic or discipline that I don’t care about. This is 100% me. I know that I being female and possibly hormonal but since I don’t have a following I can do just about what I want. (I am trying to find the upside to this). I will continue to write because I have something to say it might not be heard but maybe my biggest fan is me and loving yourself can never be bad. I have learned a lot through this experience and hopefully this is my path to self discovery.

A few years ago I decided to write a journal...okay...okay a diary. My purpose was to write about my dating life in order to learn from my mistakes through reflection. I couldn’t think of a better way to learn. Years later when I was still in love with a man who did not love me, could not do anything for me and was 3 kids in (his not mine) . I learned that writing about it certainly does not teach you a damn thing if you’re not ready to learn (LoL). I am now older and hopefully wiser. And through this reading this journal/dating diary I learned love is infinite and unconditional and with every heartbreak and life experience there is a lesson to be learned so I look back with no regrets. No regrets doesn’t mean I will walk the same path twice. (This is me being wise) I believe that this writing journey will definitely be my path to enlightenment. Monitor link

Black Woman Independent or Just Lost Part 2

2009-11-09T11:15:00.001-08:00

Take a look at my October 28th, 2009 Post to get my original comments on this video.

I don't know if you rememember Part One of Black Woman Independent or Just Lost. I wrote the previous blog in response to a video that I watched that in my opinion barrating black woman. I was extremely disappointed because I was not able to share the video with you. I have found the video and look forward to hearing your comments

These are some of the comments that I found disturbing

1. Black woman ran black men off
2. Black woman are the ones who have been raising worthless men for the last 40 years
3 Black woman are strong and independent...but not strong enought to raise a responsible child or independent enough to find a good man.

Let me know what you think

Did Feminism Kill Chivalry

2009-11-04T20:21:00.000-08:00

This question became a topic because I it is becoming a common occurrence where I find woman to be the financial support the provider, the one holding the purse wallet strings. I am not sure when this has all come about but I think Feminism is the Culprit and she Murdered Chivalry.

When did it become wrong for woman to expect a man to pay for a meal when they go on a date? Why did the thought of woman earning her own money mean that she should be the financial supporter? So my question is Did Feminism Kill Chivalry in Men?

If you have read my previous blog and read my bio I think that it would be fair assessment for me to classify myself as an independent woman. I certainly am not waiting for a partner to pay bills I do that on my own. I also believe and encourage financial independence in woman. However, is it unreasonable to expect a man....... scratch that...... my man to pay for my dinner, bring me flowers from time to time and if he is not willing to do just that should he be my man.

I for one miss Chivalry and wish for him to come back. I enjoy the idea of having a man as a provider and protector. I am much aware that in 2009 there are many woman that make more money than there men but for me it is never wrong for your man to provide what he can for you. Ladies this does not mean that you can't split the bills and contribute to your home. I think you guys should read the book by Steve Harvey "Act Like A Lady Think Like A Man" I love it and think it should be a must read.

Blogs By Black Women

Black Women Independent or Just Lost

2009-10-28T19:35:00.000-07:00

Last week I was on Facebook and was taking a look on one of my "friends" pages where I viewed a link that in my opinion spent 10 minutes berating black woman. It justified successful black men's dating white woman. Explaining why 40% of black woman over 30 remain single and justifiably so. It called black women manipulative and discussed in great detail black woman's inability to take responsibility for her actions which is why we (black woman) and our community is in its current failing state.

I went back on Facebook a few days afterwards hoping that I could find this clip to share it with you and unfortunately it was removed. I am still searching for it ...because this topic is really close to my heart and I feel you would find it to be of great interest.

I would like to state my personal opinions of some of the topics that were raised in the clip.

A/ Justifying black men dating white women

Let me start by saying that my issue is not with the practice of interracial dating on a whole. My issue is that to me it seems that within the black community there are a growing group of black men who choose to not date black woman. The common excuse is that black woman have an attitude. I am not ignorant enough to believe that there is no truth to the fact that some black woman display NASTY attitudes. But I also think that may be reflective of the woman that men choose to approach. If you are approaching woman with education and class I feel that you wouldn't come across as a main issue of concern.

Oddly enough finding eligible educated black women in America for heterosexual males should be easier than that of heterosexual females.(I am referring to the United States rather than Canada because the American statistics and articles are more readily available....Forgive me) According to MSNBC The Daily Nightly "Women and Where They Stand" Nearly two-thirds of African-American Undergraduates are women. At black colleges, the ratio of women to men is 7 to 1.

B/ Failure to Take Responsibility

I am also aware that there are black woman that fail to take responsibility. Women who select partners that have no capabilities or show a history of being poor father figures, poor husbands and father's for their children. Woman who takes very little responsibility for the decisions they make and how it affects their current economic and social status. However, through my history in social services this can be true of many people and unfortunately seems to be the growing practice in our society... Men and women alike fail to take responsibility of their own lives and the poor decisions that they make. This mind set I can assure you that this is not restricted to the black community. My overall question is why anyone with a rational thought would blame black women solely for the degradation of the whole community.

Or

Could it all be true?

Thinking about this further and through some of the discussions that I have had with a few friends and acquaintances on the topic. I beg to wonder if it is true. Is it true that the description of black woman in the clip of the movie reflects a true reflection of my (black) community? I am aware that it not an accurate description of all black woman because being a black woman who is single, educated, homeowner, work two jobs. I would not qualify myself to be a part of the stereotype but does that make me far removed from the reality within my community. With all honesty it’s not something I can knowledgeably say without further investigation.

I do know that individuals who are a true reflection of the stereotype care not or are disillusioned that degrading video is a realistic description of them. I am hoping that blogging about this will open the lines of communication it also does not serve as a tool in resolving the current issue.

That leaves me to ask what we can do as a community to correct this. I would ask woman to evaluate your existence and your choices and change your actions because it is through you and your examples that your children and children around you will learn to conduct themselves. For those of us that are on the right path....I ask you to spend some time through a variety of organizations to help the younger generation who might be doomed otherwise.

I have made a personal commitment that once I have reduced my employment from two to one I will volunteer my time within my community with young black boys and girls to hopefully reverse the current state in my community. Please think about doing the same.

This is my rant. Feel free to comment and thanks for visiting. This year I watch some of a 5 part series "Black in America 2". You might find it of interest. I did.

Ephiphany

2009-10-18T09:18:00.000-07:00

I was speaking to one of my co-workers the other day. He asks me if two jobs are really necessary. I explained to him that my full-time job covers straight living expenses but not my anything extra. Once you own a home or just life in general unexpected things come up. That's where my part time job comes in. It covers things like my hair appointments, waxing, my social life and life's extras. If you really think about it without my part-time job my single status would definitely be permanent. Could you imagine me a 5'11 Amazon with my hair askew and looking like a Beast? Maybe you shouldn't the image is not pretty.

So my co-worker says. "So..... Let me get this straight. You are living in a 3 bedroom house with a basement apartment by yourself. I said yep? Now at the time it didn't seem up surd but it certainly seems a little silly, especially if I have to work 2 jobs to make it all work. You know what it not silly because realistically I don’t come from money. Realistically my mother was a single mother who worked numerous jobs including cleaning buildings to support her family. So absurd or silly is not a right description at all so scratch that. Anyways home ownership has been a long term goal of mine. I wanted a two bedroom home at the very least and I don't like downtown. I couldn't afford the Toronto suburbs that I liked. So further north of the city made sense plus it was a bank sale so I got it at a price that would have been comparable to a condo in Toronto. And I don’t want to give that up.

(This is the epiphany part........Drum roll please) I am seriously thinking of moving into the basement of my home once my renovations are completed. Before I purchased my home I lived in my mother's basement .

This will not be take place until well into the New Year. I will have to (1) finish the renovations and (2) fix the landscaping that I have to do out front. HGTV says curb appeal is just as important. But knowing that possibilities of financial freedoms are out there makes the weight on my shoulders a little lighter.

Oh yeah. I’ve been getting some good feedback from some of my friends and co-workers who have read my blog and I appreciate it. If you think you know someone who would like to read this blog feel free to pass it on.

and had no issues what so ever. The basement unit has a separate entrance, a full four piece bathroom, a living room, a small eat in kitchen with a built in breakfast bar and a bedroom. Plus I am installing pot lights and laminate flooring throughout. It will have all I need.

I can then rent out the home upstairs to a family. Which hopefully, will cover my mortgage, allow me to make my desired upgraded and possibly allow me to have the financial freedom to accomplish my long term goals. Such as going back to school part-time to upgrade my GPA and eventually pursue my Masters in Public Policy Administration and Law

Thanks guys

Life Balance...Is it even possible

2009-10-13T07:01:00.000-07:00

Over the last coming weeks I’ve been doing some serious consideration. Over the last year I have been working two jobs and I am tired. I would like to get my social life on track particularly dating and it is definitely far too difficult trying to juggle two jobs and maintaining my day-to-day friendships. In order to solve this problem I placed an ad in the local paper for a room rental/roommate and that has been a bust ...So is my life. I then decided to renovate my basement because upon purchase it had a pre-existing rental unit. I was hoping to create some cosmetic changes yet upon doing so a slew of underlying problems arose. My furnace is leaking, which damaged the laminate floors that were in the bedroom. AHHHH. I am now faced with paying an additional $2000.00 and I have no idea where that's going to come from.

I went out quite a bit this weekend. Saturday night I went to a Salsa club which was a bust. This guy tried to pick me up but he was 5'4 I am 5'11, somehow I could not see beyond the 10 inches in height difference ( I was wearing heals). Sunday night I went out to my friends Aunt's for Thanksgiving (thanks Auntie) then we ended up going out with my friends, her dad and his friends to a club. For me this is crazy, her dad don't get me wrong is really cool and trendy but how is a person supposed to relax when their hanging with your friend's dad. One of her dad's friend’s looks to me to be in his 30-40's, seems to have a thing for me. All I wanted to do was run. Again, don't get me wrong he is a nice guy, he seems to be doing well and he is not bad looking but he's my friend’s dad's friend... that just NASTY. He said that he is a diplomat but since English is not his first language. Is he really? All I know is that he is a drummer and travels the world doing that, but really this cannot be all that life has to offer.

Oh yeah I forgot I met this other guy which quite frankly was not my type by any stretch of the imagination. My friend described him as the black Buddha. He asks me about my sign then tells me that I am an Aries and as a result I am weird. Then says “I guess I’ll have to work with it. Really? Does he have a choice? Everything about him and his conversation screams I am homosexual. There was nothing masculine about him at all. Yet I gave him my number because I truly interested to see how long this is going to play out. I'm fully gonna ask him if he's gay I bet... that at the very least he is bi-sexual and he is a nice guy having an extra friend doesn’t hurt... right?

I lied and told him that I was dating someone but it if he calls the conversation will be interesting at least I’ll have something else to write to you guys about. Later on I found out that he went to school with my friends Dad. LOL. I swear in my past life I was a real ass because really this can't be it.